Snap! He was Dead.


When did I change from thinking my weird dreams were just dreams and I finally believed they were . . . more? It started April 16, 2007.

I was never so aware of the presence of a protective spirit in my astral dreams than I was in the dream I had that morning.

I knew I was on a college campus. The buildings and trees were very much like my local University. There was something going on beyond the trees. I could feel myself being pulled there but for once I could not go where I was pulled. I was held firmly in place by my guardian spirit.

You can’t go there. Stay where you are.

Frustrated, I looked around, there were lots of people. The people were excited. I tried to look in their minds, why were they excited?

No! again my protector would not allow me to look for the truth.

What am I supposed to do then? I asked.

Help her!

I was turned in the direction of a woman, alive and looking right at me. This threw me off, I was used to helping only the dead and dying but this woman was fine. She was full of life. She ran up to me saying “You have to stop him, we’re down by 30.”

I didn’t get it, it sounded like the score at a game.

“Down by 30”, so what? Were they playing football? No, it was spring time. Soccer?

Don’t question do what you are asked, my spirit guide was in a hurry.

I knew it wasn’t soccer, I knew I was being protected from the truth, but the desperation in the woman’s voice as she kept repeating, “Stop him, we’re down by 30,” could not be ignored.

I closed my eyes and took the image of “him” from her mind. I imagined meeting him at a soccer game, blocking him. I spoke right into his mind.

Stop! I will let you go no further,” I commanded with all my will.

“Snap,” he was dead. It felt like he’d shot himself and me too. I didn’t expect it, since I hadn’t known he was carrying a gun. I was still there inside when he did it. The shock was mind blowing, literally. I could feel shreds of him flow into me.

I was immediately pulled back to the woman. She thanked me as I trembled, shaken. I asked her name, but her words were garbled. I thought she said Catherine something, but my guardian was pulling me away. I didn’t fight, I didn’t feel well. I wanted to retch. I had never felt a person kill themselves while I was inside before. 

I woke up and jumped out of bed trembling all over. The clock read 4am. All morning I wondered both at the line, “down by 30” and the question what happened to him after he killed himself. I knew he couldn’t just disappear. Whenever I asked, the answer came.

All that is left of him lives in you.


Ten o’clock that morning, breaking news interrupted television. The images of the campus, were hauntingly familiar, as they showed injured students climbing out of windows. I was shaken but my logical mind insisted there was not enough proof to be certain they were connected. The next day I grabbed the newspaper as soon it arrived. I had to sit down when I saw his picture, Cho. It was the face from the dream. I was chilled by the feeling he was there with me. Still, the “down by 30” continued to be a mystery. The official death count was 32 (or 33 including himself.)

It wasn’t until I read a more detailed account and realized that if you don’t include the first two killings, which occurred before he went to Norris Hall and don’t include his suicide, then you get 30.

Years later I watched a documentary about it.  A number of people wondered “why did he stop when he did? He still had plenty of ammunition. There were still lots of classrooms full of potential victims. No police had moved in yet to stop him. He just stopped and shot himself.”

It was a long time coming but that was it, the moment when with a second “snap” I had to believe.


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