He was my daughter’s oldest friend’s father. I met him only once, but I think of him whenever I hear James Blunt. He even looked like Blunt. He looked at me like I was an angel, but I had no time. I was busy with my own kids. Walking them home from school., I worried he was making a pass at me, when he asked me to watch over his son. He killed himself on Valentine’s Day, less than a week later. I’m sorry, I’m not that kind of angel. I chose darkness not light.
I tried to be angry at God, “Why is my life so full of sorrow?” I wanted to yell. But the words never left my head, as soon as I thought them I knew the answer. I picked this path of my own free will before I was born.
I picked it when I saw her die in the snow, my beloved from a past life. A demon took her soul and if I am ever to find her I must search every shadow. Darkness will not tolerate light. So I tucked away my light and concealed myself in misery and loneliness. I chose to be born in virtual Hell, that I might serve my Lord best by finding and purifying the darkest demons. In so doing I serve my own soul by reassuring myself, she that was lost, can again be found.
When he died that winter, it was so hauntingly familiar.
How many die of broken hearts?
Millions every day. They suicide or have heart attacks. Some drink themselves to death, or overdose on drugs. Some have accidents because they were too distracted by pain to watch what they are doing. Many just don’t take care of themselves, they die from their own neglect.
Others die as a result of the broken hearted. Victims of murder and terrorism die when the broken hearted take out their pain on the world. Even those that die from natural disasters. Those disasters are caused by the power of demons fed by bitter heartbroken souls.
Millions die everyday of broken hearts.
Was it my fault he died?
No he chose death, just as she did. You chose life, that is why you can help them. Only the living can save the dead.
I can feel the truth of it, I don’t know why. Only the living can save the lost souls of the dead. So I have to live, to embrace darkness despite my fear, and keep feeling and loving. For love is the magic that transforms the darkest demons into beings of light and joy.
I chose darkness, happily and humbly, and hopefully. Love is the only light I need. It blossoms in my heart like a flower. I water it with tears of joy to know that I can love have been loved. I know death and misery, but I remain unstained so long as I keep love alive in my heart like a lotus. When at last I drop the mantle of misery, darkness fades before my light as night disappears before the dawn.